Cathy on the Oregon Coast

Oregon Coast Events

Hey Dad, Mom’s Indian! :D

Tomaka was my first ever real boyfriend. I think we dated for about a week. I guess I’m getting old, you’d think a girl would remember meeting her first boyfriend right? I don’t. I think I walked by his house but that’s all I really remember. I remember meeting his mamma though, wheewww that woman did not like me at all.

Tomaka, like Harvey was a dark skinned Indian, tall and lanky with shoulder length black hair, and brown eyes.

He didn’t have the muscle or the swagger Harvey had, but .. he was about to have something else.

Apparently his family and Harvey’s family had some beef too, I kind of remember that. I have never been one to adopt other people’s issues though, so I didn’t pay any nevermind to it.

So Harvey’s family, which was quickly becoming my family, didn’t approve, and neither did my dad. He wasn’t okay with me dating indians apparently. Odd, because, well, he’d married one.

As he was telling me about how white people shouldn’t date Indian people, my uncle and my aunt were just baffled. Not offended, but super amused. My mom was finally like UMMM HELLOO, which she’s infamous for saying, and everyone roared with laughter while my dad lost that battle. There will be more on interracial dating later though :D. I won this battle, but the war would wage on..

The victory from that long fought battle would be short lived. Here I was newly allowed to date an Indian boy, plus allowed to date, at the ripe old age of 13, when …..about a week after I started ‘dating’ Tomaka, I found him in the gym with Tawny. How cliche is that shit. He was messing with my best friend.

They were happily playing some basketball or something in the gym when I walked in and found them together, this was in my middle school life, very serious business. Tomaka and I broke up. I gave Tawny the necklace that he gave to me.

I remember telling my mom that we’d broke up, and how heartbroken she was for me. My mom really is the sentimental caring type. I love her. I didn’t always. We strong women tend to hide all our real feelings, and can be hard to understand.

Anyway, I broke up with Tomaka, and then he was with Tawny, my.. EX best friend. We didn’t speak for a few days, but.. I did feel like I should tell her when I slept with him; Making him my official first. It was this clumsy, and painful, and icky act one night when I’d run away from home. The first time actually. Because I was stubborn, and my mom wanted me to bring my backpack in the house off the porch, and told me not to come into the house until I did.

I sat outside for what felt like forever, and then, I just got up and left. I don’t know why I didn’t just go to Lorrinda’s house. That’s what I’d do every time after, but this particular time, I pretty much walked up and down Tomaka’s block until he noticed me. Thank Goodness his mom had sent him to the store or I’d have been out there all night!

Tomaka wasn’t my first kiss, but it was such a sweet kiss, in the backyard of a house that we used to cut through from 13th to 14th place in NE Portland. The sky was clear, the stars were shining, and I was making out with my bestfriends boyfriend. How sweet it was.

When he learned that I had ‘run away’ he brought me in for the night, which I’m sure was my plan all along. I stayed awake all night long after we’d had sex, and in the morning, before he snuck me out so we could both go to school, he made me promise to not tell Tawny. Well girls, this was probably the first of these secret’s I’d not keep, the first in a line of many! I probably told Tawny in the first 15 minutes of school.

We argued, kind of. Then, we both realized that if we had this argument, louder, and in class, we could storm out and skip school, and so we did. Tomaka didn’t have a girlfriend anymore, I didn’t have my virginity either, but I had my best friend! I had given her the necklace he’d given me, so see, a win win, outside of the crappy sex.

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Introducing Harvey

Now I know I told you my daughters bio-dad is not the beginning of my story.  Somehow though, I’m back there, strange that. So I was obsessed with this man. There’s no other word. For my entire youth, he had my soul. He was my first love. He didn’t deserve to be, but I imagine that’s neither here nor there.

When my best friends and sisters read this page, they’re likely just to close the damn blog. That is how much I went on and on about Harvey. Seriously, obsessed is an understatement. Sometimes I pick on Cristina, because of her David, but I was probably worse. Or I would have been had we had the technology then that we now do. Hell, I’m so not in love with him anymore, and I still check every now and then to see if he’d gotten a facebook page yet. I even used to call his voicemail, just to hear his voice, wondering what, if anything I’d say if he ever picked up.

I’d have had a different life with him, that’s for sure. Anyway, I feel a little like I’m betraying the actual love of my life telling you this story… but I want to just be transparent, and honest with myself in the very least..

I met Harvey when I was a kid. Probably 8 or 10 or so. He was somehow connected with my then babysitter. I don’t think they actually dated, I’d be willing to bet that they’d had sex. She went to visit him, and I was with her one day.  I thought he was pretty cute, odd that I was that young crushing on boys, but I was.

She flirted with him, kissed him, you’ll find that I also had a similar crush on my husband, and a similar encounter with this babysitter and he, only they WERE dating at the time.

Anyway, I saw him, and I thought he was cute, I was little-girl-crushing, and then, I didn’t see him again for a long time, not until i was in the 7th grade actually.

The 7th grade was where I met my then best friend Tawny. We didn’t really pressure each other to do things, because for the most part we just constantly lied and said we’d already done everything and it was no big deal. So one day, Tawny asked me if I’d ever skipped school, and just like I told her I had obviously already smoked cigarettes, before choking down my first one, I told her that of course I’d skipped school, duh.

Then she asked if I wanted to skip school with her. Now that was HUGE. I wasn’t sure about that… until she told me that she was meeting up with these boys, Harvey and Robert. You know what, to this day I don’t know how Harvey met Tawny, or why he was tryna mess with her anyway, he was actually pretty racist, and Tawny is mixed. Anyway, once she said his name, I was in. I also let her know from that moment, he was mine, a fact she’d never forget, because for the next several years, he would be all I would talk about.

They were visible from our school, sitting on their bikes in the adjoining park, and that’s all I remember about that day. We went, we must have saw them, hung out. I really have no idea. But that day would change my whole life.

Come to find out, his sister Lorrinda who also would play a major role in my life also went to my school, and we quickly became friends with her. We also started skipping school pretty much daily, Lorrinda dropped out, Harvey had already dropped out, so we all just went to their house when we wanted to skip, if we could get there with Mr. Smith the security guy finding us and bringing us back to school.

Ironically, he’d search all over the neighborhood for us. He’d find us, drag us back to school, then suspend us for skipping and have our moms come get us. That’s funny shit right there isn’t it?

Lorrinda and Tawny weren’t huge fans of each others, in fact, Charles wasn’t a huge fan of Lorrinda either, you’ll hear about Charles, and my sins against him later but for now, I loved Harvey, Lorrinda and I eventually became inseparable, and most of my friends and family didn’t really care for either. I mean I didn’t love Harvey yet, but I was well on my way.

The thing is, we didn’t really do much Harvey and I, so although I had these huge strong teen feelings for him, I won’t have a ton of stories for you about him. We didn’t really .. go outside.. even.

Harvey wasn’t even my first boyfriend… he was the father of my daughter, and for a long, long … long time he held my heart, but .. before Harvey, there was Tomaka.

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Where is the Beginning Anyway?

People have been telling me to write a book for years now. It seems my life is interesting to a lot of folks. The thing is though, this is my life so how can I locate the beginning, and hopefully, we’re not at the end right?

So I’ll admit, I do find myself in the midst of a lot of shenanigans, probably more than my fair share. That’s why they say I should write a book. I’m the first person to say I don’t want any drama in my life, but usually, while I’m saying it, something crazy is poppin’ off.

My sister once told a friend of mine that getting into my car is an adventure, no matter what the plans were when you got in, you just never really know what you’re going to experience, when you’re getting out, or where the car will go.

My son, on drugs at the time had driven my car into a ditch, and it was about to get towed. I kind of hijacked a good friend’s life for a bit, shuffled people around, moved kids here n there, so I could deal with the car. Anyway, that’s a huge story, and you’ll read about it, but not right now.

Right now, I’m going to tell you where my story really begins, where I get my undercover Cookie Lyon from. See I used to think my story started with my, well let’s just say ‘not quite normal’ childhood. Isn’t that where everyone’s story starts? So I started it out like.. Well we were poor, poorer than you could imagine… but we weren’t really poor, my dad made a lot of money..  then I’d start out trying to blog about everything wrong with my upbringing, and it really wasn’t as terrible as I can make it seem.

It sounded downright depressing really, just a telling of every bad secret, and none of the good you know.. You’re going to read those secrets, when you read what I write here but not like that. Not just a pouring out of all that was negative. I loved my childhood really, and everyone in it.

So, then I thought, well whenever some part of my life blows up, or something goes hella crazy, that’s when people say I should write a book. For instance, I once hit a truck at a stop light. I was reaching for my cigarettes (I know, ewwww, right?!) and I guess I let some of the pressure off of the break and the car rolled forward, I didn’t even realize. So I hit this big ole truck with my teeny little car. It was a story! I’ll tell it later, but let me tell you! OMG. So anyway, I go to school at the International Air Academy, and I’m late, and I’m at risk of being kicked out because I’ve been late before. So I tell them, I got in an accident, the guy threatened me, I lied about my name…

My teacher, her name was Amy Gaines, though I am thinking I should change the names in this story. I mean I know I should, but I plan to share the story on Facebook, so that really does make this tricky. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with that part of the story, but I guess I’ll get to that then.

Anyway, Miss Amy Gaines tells me that during the 9 month course of the class (I don’t recall how many of the 9 we were through) I’ve lived more life than she has in her entire life. She tells me I should write a book.

So I have tried, I’ve tried a few times. I’ve tried beginning with parents, and I’ve tried beginning with that hit n run story, and other equally shocking events.. where I ‘tell all’. I’ve also tried with a fun little story involving my oldest daughters biological dad. . . Because I wrote a really great essay about a really great encounter we had once, and I thought for years he was the only man I’d ever love…

I was wrong though, and though he plays a huge part in my life, he’s not where I begin, he’s not where I end, and now, honestly, he’s really absolutely insignificant. I realized tonight, while watching Empire of all things, that I begin when my children begin.

I began when I brought a little girl into the world, and she became mine. That’s when I started doing crazy things like getting random jobs, and swinging blindly at perfect pitches and missing, trying to figure out how to make a family, who to be, and how to be.

You’re going to read all of those other stories, and you’re going to know all of mine, and my closest friends secrets before you’re done. You’re going to know all that I know, but I won’t just be telling you our dirt, that’s why it didn’t work before. I know some AMAZING women, with stories that will blow your minds, in fact, I really hope some of them can be persuaded to tell you their stories themselves.. wouldn’t it be really neat to link my version of a story to their version of it, and see how our webs weaved into each others lives. Amber might be willing, perhaps Cristina too. I don’t know though, I’m the writer, we’ll see what I can talk them in to. But the point is this. I started out trying to dish a bunch of dirt, tell you all of the wrongs that brought me to where I am, and all the dirty little secrets that me n mine have hidden pretty deep.

That’s not the real story though, the story is what we have been through, and the love we all have and have had. Our shenanigans will come out, but only so you understand us more, not just because you’re going to be shocked.

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